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Trump’s Older Sister Says “Donnie’s Acting Like A Nutjob…I’m Worried About Him”

She is the balanced, stable, sane Trump sibling and she’s not happy about the behavior of her little brother, the President of the United States.

Maryann Trump Barry, Donald Trump’s older sister and a United States Circuit Judge, told reporters over the weekend, “Donnie’s not acting right — I’m afraid he left his marbles back in Queens.”

The 80-year-old, lifelong Republican, who was appointed to her current judicial post by Bill Clinton, is said to counsel her brother from time to time on his presidential demeanor. And she is alarmed by his current erratic behavior, which she calls, “the ravings of a crackpot, not a president.”

Judge Trump Barry also says she believes that President Trump might be forgetting to take his pills, which include mood stabilizers and anti-anxiety gelcaps, as well as misogyny medication, anti-racism tablets, and blabbermouth lozenges.

The president also takes Propecia for hair loss and Ecstasy pastilles for his extreme compassion deficiency. His personal doctor has said in the past that Mr. Trump takes a low dose of intravenous Drano for severe constipation, too, an affliction suffered by many Republican politicians.

“I don’t recognize the Donnie who’s in the White House right now,” added the president’s cerebral sister, who friends describe as very loyal to her younger brother. “Lately he seems a little cuckoo and his boneheadedness is getting in the way of him doing his job. Donnie was never a smart boy, no matter what he tells you. In fact, the neighborhood kids used to call him ‘Donnie Dimwit.’ But recently he seems to be operating at an even lower IQ, and that’s not good for the country.”

Asked what she thought might be behind the president’s recent mental decline, the judge answered thoughtfully: “Look, it’s a tough job, made even tougher by the fact that Donnie is always trying to prove his value, competence, and strength. He acts like a hooligan, but it’s a cover-up — he’s really insecure and very tender underneath that stern facade. Frankly, I always thought he was gay. Donnie used to run around in mother’s dressing gowns, always wanted to take a bubble bath, and he had more talent for interior design than construction. When Daddy finished a residential building project, it was always little Donnie who insisted on choosing the drapes. My point is, I don’t think the daily demands of the presidency align with his softer sensibilities…and now he’s cracking under the pressure.”

Judge Trump Barry was also asked what she thought of her brother’s performance as president one year into his term.

“I generally don’t like it when witnesses come into my courtroom and plead the Fifth. But in this case, with that question, I am compelled to do so. I’ll say simply that I wish my brother luck…and the country Godspeed.”

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